Tuesday, February 24, 2015

I Am Lost

I am lost.

I have God.  I have Jesus.  But, maybe I'm not listening.  I feel He's leading me to be a writer.  I prayed and then Stumble Uponed a website about freelance writing.  I do feel God is telling me I do need to be a writer.  I need to write.  I love to write.

You can't just jump into being a freelance writer.  No experience and you aren't going to get the jobs.  No jobs and you can't get experience.  I can't get anything because I have no experience and I can't get experience because I can't get anything.

It's only been a week.  I need to be patient.  I get that.  Honestly, I'm just lost.  I don't know what I'm qualified for.  I don't know where I belong really.  I'm a newbie in this world.

Eventually, I want to have a book published.  I've started preliminary work on a piece of middle grade fiction.  But, until then (I have a feeling it's going to be a long time til then) I need to find other ways to make money.  I can write and I can edit.  But, again, sounding like a broken record, since I've only ever done any of that professionally one time and have nothing to give as an example for it, I've got nothing.


And I feel I'm going to go nowhere.

I cannot despair.  I can't let this get me down.  I have to persevere.  That's the hard part.  I have to work through the hard times to get to the good times.  I have to keep at it.  Keep sending in those applications.  Keep finding places that need writers and/or editors.  Write my own stuff.  Build a portfolio.  Build me.

I don't know what's going to come of this.  I don't exactly have all the time in the world to find out.

I do know God is here to help me.  I stressed out pretty harshly on Sunday but sitting in church I talked to God and He took the burden off my shoulders.  It was like night and day the way I felt before and after church.  I may not have all the time in the world, but I do have some time.

Writing is my dream.  Dreams take time.  Dreams take work.  It's not just going to happen tomorrow.  I have to climb the mountain.  Like they say, Rome wasn't built in a day.  Overnight successes don't just happen.

So, I put myself out here.  I let you see me.  I bare my soul.

I can't just sit here and dream.  I have to do.  Finally, I am doing.

I just hope it's good enough.

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