Monday, July 20, 2015

Social Anxiety/Direction For This Blog

This blog has been very scattered.  I tried making it a book review blog.  Then, I thought I could write about my writing while adding in some Christian music videos.  I think I've finally found the answer.  Well, I hope I've found the answer.  I want to talk about my social anxiety, at least for a while.

What is social anxiety?  It is a fear of social interactions.  It's more than that but in the end that is what it boils down to.  Social anxiety is a crippling phobia that affects every aspect of my life.  There is hardly anything I do that social anxiety doesn't ruin.  It's very overpowering.

How does social anxiety affect me?  Like I said in the above paragraph it's very overpowering.  It controls my thoughts and actions.  It lives in my head and won't let go.  Talking to people is the hardest thing.  I want to talk to people.  I want to be social.  But, the actual talking part is very hard.  Sometimes it's impossible.

Social situations are really hard.  This does not mean I have agoraphobia.  Agoraphobia is a fear of the world.  It's a fear of places and situations.  Social interactions scare the crap out of me but that doesn't mean I don't want to go out into the world.  I want to be a part of the world (as I say this I think about how God says we aren't to be of the world, but you know what I mean).  I want to have friends.  I don't want to be a hermit holed in my house never to come out.

The plans I have for this blog are to delve into what makes my social anxiety tick.  Why do I have it?  That I really don't know if I'll be able to answer.  I'll write about situations where it plays itself out.  I hope to discover something, maybe to unlock the key to overcoming it.  I don't think I'll ever be able to cure it, but maybe one day I'll be able to grow and not have to take my medicine anymore.

Yeah, I take medicine for social anxiety.  I have to or I may not be able to function in the world.  I don't know how well it helps honestly, because I still am socially anxious and very, very aware of everything in social situations, but I do find that I am able to do more.  I play the flute and piccolo in the orchestra at my church.  I've been playing the piccolo since high school so I am good at it, I think.  Before I started taking my meds I was really nervous about playing it in the orchestra.  For some reason to me it didn't sound very reverent.  Plus, I was really nervous about mistakes.  I play the piccolo.  I want to be the piccolo player of the orchestra so I should be able to play it well.  I use playing the piccolo as a judgement on my medication.  After I started taking it I gained confidence on my piccolo playing.  I'm still nervous but that just goes with the territory of playing an instrument.  I tell myself other instruments, like the trumpets, don't sound good when we start new music.  They're learning it just as we all are.  That's the same for me.  If I don't sound good in the beginning that's okay.  I'll practice to get to the sounding better part.  I also tell myself that it's written in the music so I should not be afraid to play it.  There's a reason the notes are there and that's because the arranger and/or composer thought it sounded good.  If he (and most if not all are men) put it there, I should play it.  There are a few pieces I have taken the piccolo out because it doesn't sound right even though someone thought it did and wrote it into the music.

Those thoughts I often wonder if they are because of my medicine or because I have matured.  Maybe I have matured because of my medicine.  I don't want to take medicine forever. I hate taking medicine.

To end this post I'll leave you with something on Twitter yesterday that is very fitting and gave me the idea to focus on social anxiety in my blog.  It was a retweet from a friend who retweeted from a friend who retweeted or copied it from davestriderinthighhighs. It seems that could be a tumblr account due to using more than 140 characters.  I don't know who to give credit to on this, but that's how I came about it.  Looking at the picture, it says Source: stan-the-man-marsh so maybe that's where it originated.  I don't know.

My next post may very well be explaining what that means to me.  I haven't thought about it yet.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Sunday Video: "Jesus Messiah" by Chris Tomlin, "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K, "Blessings" by Laura Story

I'm back and this is back!  I am sorry for abandoning this blog for a while (I think it might have been about a month or less).  Here I am bringing you another Sunday video.  Since I missed it for a while I am giving you three videos.

"Jesus Messiah" Chris Tomlin
Chris Tomlin released his first album in 1995, although it was not until 2001 the first national release of his solo work.  The song "Jesus Messiah" was released in 2008 on the album Hello Love.  

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" Relient K
Relient K named themselves after band member Matt Hoopes's car Plymouth Reliant K.  They changed the spelling to Relient to avoid trademark infringement.  The song "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" was released in 2004 on the album Mmhmm.  The video has actually appeared on MTV's TRL!

"Blessings" Laura Story
Laura Story is originally from near where I live in South Carolina.  She is currently an associate worship leader at Perimeter Church in Atlanta, Ga .  "Blessings" was released in 2011 on the album Blessings.  This is her fourth album, but the first one to bring her national attention.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Sunday Video: On My Knees by Jaci Velasquez

The official video which unfortunately is not shareable:

Mixing it up a bit by presenting a female singer.  I love Jaci Velasquez.  All her songs are amazing.  I could have picked any one of them, but I chose this one.  She's so young in this video!  Isn't she cute with her freckles?  My cousin introduced me to her work with her self titled album back in the 90s and I'm still a fan.  Such a powerful song.  Beautiful.

The album, Heavenly Place, containing this song was released in 1996.  It was her major label album debut.  Almost 20 years ago!

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Sunday Video: Because He Lives by Michael Tait ft. George Beverly Shea

Happy Easter!  I had something different planned for today, but when I came across this video I knew I had to post it.

(this is not the original video I wanted to share; that one disabled embedding, but it's the same song.  I don't get some of the images like Morgan Freeman, but forget that and just listen to the music).

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6 He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”
Matthew 28:5-7 NIV

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Sunday Video: Sunday by Tree63

We all know Tree63 as the band that sings "Blessed Be Your Name" but I'm bringing you another song done by them titled "Sunday."  I had debated with myself on whether to post this on Easter or not and as you can see I chose the week before.  After making this decision I found a tweet about Tree63's Kickstarter campaign.  They're independent now so they needed some help getting their next album off the ground.  I donated because I like Tree63 and I saw this as a sign.  They haven't put out any music in seven years and right when I decide to share a video of their music on my blog this happens?

This is not their official music video.  I don't think they have one.  It's just a quirky one I found on Youtube that I happen to like.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sunday Video: We Believe by Newsboys

In honor of the premiere of the movie Do You Believe? today's video is the wonderfully awesome song by the Newsboys "We Believe."

I love the Newsboys.  I loved them with Peter Furler and now with Michael Tate, former member of dc Talk.  They were great with Furler as lead singer, but they're something else with Tate.  Right now, they're on fire.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

RSV and Daycare

Two weeks ago my three month old niece was in the hospital suffering from RSV.

RSV is short for Respiratory Syncytial Virus.  It affects the lungs and breathing passages.  My niece was struggling to breathe so she had to be taken to the hospital.  Little did anyone know she would be there until the end of the week.  Just think about a little three month old with an IV in her arm and a tube up her nose.  A board was put on her arm to keep the IV in place.  She'd raise her arm and it would just irritate her.  She finally learned how to grab the tube and pull it out of her nose.

Anyway, this post isn't about sympathy for my niece (but you can feel sympathetic if you want, totally allowed).  My niece got sick at daycare.  Daycare is a good place to get sick.  Yeah, you're going to get the common cold, blah, blah, blah.  You expect that.  Whatever.  You don't want it, but being with other children every day it's going to happen.  What you don't expect is this.

There is only one person to blame in the entire daycare for this.  The daycare workers informed parents a case of RSV was going through the daycare and one woman was flippant about it saying her son already went through that a few weeks ago.

Her son already went through it a few weeks ago.

She still took him to daycare.

He went to daycare while he was sick.  With RSV.

He's the one who gave it to not just my niece but other babies.  I don't know anything about the other babies, but my niece had to go to the hospital.  The next week my mom babysat her instead of sending her to daycare so she could get better.

Asthma runs in my family (or should I say doesn't run, haha, roll eyes).  My mom has it and my brother, the baby's father, has it.  Could my niece have it?  Possibly.  Could it have been exacerbated by RSV?  Possibly. I don't know.  I'm not a doctor.  I have a degree in English.  We don't study how those things work.

This lady put my niece in danger and not just my niece but other babies as well.  It was for her selfish gain so she could keep her child in daycare while she went to work.  It affects her baby as well.  The baby should be at home where he can get the proper attention and rest to get better.  It hurts him, too, but I'm guessing she doesn't realize that.

I get the argument that maybe she can't miss work or whatever, but this isn't just the common cold.  This is RSV.  How to prevent RSV?  Aside from washing hands and such, keep children who are suffering from it away from other children.  Do not socialize when you are sick!  Common sense, people!

The ones getting sick this time were babies.  Babies have weaker immune systems.  They don't handle illnesses the way older people do.  They need more care and attention.

If your child is sick DO NOT TAKE THEM TO DAYCARE!  Stay home with him or her.  Get a baby-sitter.  Ask a relative or a neighbor to watch the child.  Don't put other people at risk because you won't miss a day of work.  Don't put your child at risk by not keeping him or her at home to get better.  Yes, one of the best recipes for treating an illness is to stay home and rest.  Why don't people get that?